Who am I?

Maybe I should have really introduced myself before I posted about GWB's shananigans. LOL

Am I a crazy person? Depends on who you ask. LOL I don't mind being called "crazy," actually.

Old man "Webster" defines "crazy" the following way:

cra'zy a. -zier -ziest 1. Insane 2 [Inf.] foolish, wild, etc. --n., pl. --zies [Sl.] an insane person - crazily adv. --craziness n. (From "Webster's New World Pocket Dictionary, fourth edition, page 79.

I'm not insane. But I have been known to be foolish and I have definitely been known to be wild. Especially in my younger years. Oh my, the things I have done, seen and heard. Yep, I'm writing an autobiography of my life. I am doing it because 1. I want my family to know what my life was really like, the way things really happened, maybe it will help them to understand me better somehow. And 2. I would like to see it published so I can reach out to others who have walked in my shoes or at least have walked beside me unwittingly. Not to mention, I hope it will somehow help the loved ones grasp a little more understanding of what their loved one goes through or may have gone through.

Basically, I'm doing it in the hopes of helping as many people as I can. He he, what better person to write about mental illness and the such then someone who has those problems and has had to walk that long, hard road? You know, go straight to the horse's mouth. Don't believe the sheep who haven't personally experienced it.

To enlighten you on everything I have been diagnosed (dx'ed) with, here is my list:

Bipolar 1 with rapid cycling [BP]
Obessive/Compulsive Disorder [OCD]
Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Dissociative Identity Disorder [used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder] [DID]
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD]
Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder [ADHD]
Agoraphobia
Aracniphobia
Intermittent Explosive Disorder [IED]
Dependant Personality Disorder [DPD]
Seasonal Affective Disorder [SAD]
Insomnia
Chronic Scoliosis
Degenerative Spinal Disease
Restless Leg Syndrome

Yep, it is quite a list. Thing is, those are disorders that I *have* and they are *not* who I am. They are just a small part of who I am.

Oh! Wanna know what medications [meds] I am on for all these things? I've actually got a *WORKING* med cocktail finally!!!! Yea!!! Those of you who live with a mental illness [MI] can understand what I mean by a working cocktail.

A working med cocktail is a mixture of different meds that work together to keep one *stable*. Until I got the psychiatrist [pdoc] I was seeing to actually *listen* to me and give me the meds that *I* knew worked, I had been in a TWO YEAR LONG depression with cycles of dysphoria (really bad cycles of that). I cycled daily of course, but I never seemed to be able to get away from the depression despite the cycles.

But now, *FINALLY* I'm on a med cocktail that is working. I'm more stable now then I have been in 15+ years! And it's nice to be stable, let me tell ya! It couldn't have happened at a better time either.

My husband has become very, very ill. The doctors are trying to figure out what is going on. He can't walk far without someone helping him and his clear speech has become severely stuttered. He gets so frustrated with himself.

I would not have been able to step up to the plate and take care of him and everything else if I wasn't stable. I'm so thankful for my meds!

I am still suffering with bouts of situational depression and I still stress out really bad. I've had a few anxiety/panic attacks, but overall I am doing pretty good. I've come from being an isolated bulk of human flesh staying in bed 24/7 willing myself to die to a pretty good functioning person again.

Anyway, here's all the meds I'm currently on (We're supposed to add Adderal in July for my concentration problems):

Wellbutrin 600mg daily (Yes, that is 150mg more then the suggested max dose, but it is the theraputic dose that works for me)
Trazodone 150mg at bedtime
Celexa 40mg at bedtime
Lamictal 200mg at bedtime
Seroquel 50mg at bedtime
Xanex 1mg blue bars PRN (PRN=as needed)

The docs don't like me to take more then four Xanex a day but there are days that I have to. Thank goodness they are few and far between.

For my physical ailments (which give me absolutely HORRIDLY TOURTUROUS pain) I have to take Vicodin (Hydrocodone), Soma and am on the Duragesic Patch at 75mg per patch. I end up taking Acetaminophen as well.

In order to ONLY take the edge off the pain I must take between 2,250 to 3,000 mgs of the Vicodin along with between 700 to 1,100 mg of my Soma. I normally end up needing to take Acetaminophen along with all of that and I normally take between 1,000 and 3,000 mgs at a time.

My husband swears up and down that I take enough pain meds (to just get the edge off the pain) to kill an elephant. I'm just so med tolerant of everything.

The doc prescribed Oxycodone for me this past week but since Medicaid would not pay for the long lasting ones, but WOULD pay for the fast acting ones I wasn't able to get them because the doc absolutely refused to take just a minute and re-write the script so I could get them!

That was the straw that broke the camel's back with him and I fired him and will be seeing a different doctor by July first.

The doctor I am going to I seen when he first moved his practice into town. I should have never switched from him in the first place. I hope he and his staff are still as great as they were when I was a patient back then!! I am hoping he wants me to get new MRIs and x-rays done of my spine and stuff to see how much worse it has gotten since the last time I had any tests run.

Now that I have told you far more then you ever wanted to know I will close for now. It is going to be nice to meet you all that pass by my blog! Please leave me a note, would you?

Stormy SheWolf Stevens