Why?

I love the rain, but the moisture in the air doesn't love me. It leaves me in incredible pain throughout my body. It sucks. But I still love the thunderstorms and the pouring rain that pings off my roof and awnings. The sound is peaceful.

Why is it that so many of us afflicted with bipolar or any MI for that matter search, usually in vain, for peace? It's almost as if it is just unattainable no matter what we do.

I'm not sure what peace feels like. I don't know that I have ever experienced true peace. That makes me sad and it makes me jealous of those who knows what true peace feels like.

I've often asked myself, "Why was I given this lot in life? What did I do that would warrent such punishment?" I have yet to find the answer.

I often hear a voice in my head telling me I was given BP and all the other disorders and diseases I have so that I can help others who suffer with the same things. I *do* try my best to always help others. I strive to educate the ignorant. Education is key in shredding the stigmatisms held against mental illnesses.

But then there is another voice... a little softer... that says to me, "I don't know why you were picked to have all this crap."

It's that part I want to scream at. Or maybe scream with. Why does anyone have to deal with this shit? What is the purpose of it in the grand scheme of things? There is no purpose that I can come up with. But then I can't think of a purpose for any other disease/disorder either.

I wish mental illness could be wiped off the face of the planet! But that'll never happen. Unfortunately.

People who say, "Give it all up to God and you'll be cured!" grate on my last nerve. Religion has absolutely nothing to do with mental illness. Mental illnesses are caused by chemical imbalances within the brain. If God was going to cure all mental illness, don't you think it would have already happened?

Those that preach, "Give it all up to God," are the ones that you find just sitting around and waiting for a miricle. They're not out there doing something about their problems. They're waiting to have something done FOR them. And that is CRAP! After all, "God helps those that help themselves."

Sorry, didn't mean to go all religious on you.

Mental illness is as old as time. It's always been around and it probably always will be.

Stormy